Who am I?

Introduction

A central task for every human being on this earth is to know their purpose in life and to be able to answer the question – Why am I here? We were not given the choice to be here and we are not born with the knowledge about our purpose in life. Neither do we receive manuals and do-it-yourself kits to assist us in the process. Yet, we are required to get on with our lives. To make a success of our lives requires us to know our purpose in life.   To live a life of passion, a life of significance, requires the knowledge of our purpose in life.   And knowing your purpose in life requires some level of knowing of the self.

What is knowledge of the self?

Let me explain by way of a brief anecdote of one of my clients that relates to this question. 

Once, a lady came to see me. As is my habit, I first inquire from my client why she came to see me-instead of her GP, or close friend, or mother-in-law.   Her response was something like this – “I am here because I started to swear at my children.  I am so shocked and appalled at myself.  That is not me. Something is the matter with me and I am here to find out what it is.” It is clear that this lady became aware of her self and wanted to change.

Self Awareness

The insight displayed by the above client is an excellent example of self awareness. Self awareness is the ability to notice information about the self.  It is the difference of ‘being angry’ and ‘being aware that I am angry’.  Self awareness is being aware that:

-I am not eating properly at the moment.
-I am neglecting my husband/wife at the moment.

Self awareness is a form of monitoring the self. It involves keeping in touch with myself.  It is a nurturing, ongoing relationship with the self.

Knowing myself

When I know myself I know:

- my beliefs and values – e.g. I value my family, children or my education.

- I have certain skills and special talents.

- what gives me great  pleasure e.g. I love classical music.

- what I like and dislike e.g. I prefer the outdoors to a night out in town.

- what things in life makes me sad, e.g. I am bitter about my relationship with my son. I don’t regard myself highly.

These are just a few examples of knowing the self.  Each person is different and you will need to spend some time with yourself to find out ‘Who am I? ‘.

Knowing myself brings responsibility

Knowing myself means listening to my inner voice. I need to be still enough to hear my inner voice against competing external voices.  Knowing myself demands acting on that knowledge. If I come to know what I want to do in my life or when I become aware that my present life situation is very different from the life situation that I desire, then it will require me to act, reflect, make choices, make sacrifices, make changes, etc. Knowing myself requires accountability, responsibility, courage, strength, perseverance and wisdom.

Getting to know myself is a lifelong task. It can be accelerated at certain points in your life e.g. when you are undergoing an extreme crisis or life change.  But, it mostly happens gradually and gently.  Getting to know myself is a work in progress.

How do I get to know myself?

Now that you have gained some understanding of what knowing of the self involves, you need to acquire the tools and skills to achieve some self insight. The best way to get to know myself is to LOOK.  Take a peep inside and outside yourself.  Getting to know myself requires looking in mirrors. It involves finding reflections of yourself.  Some of these reflections are inside of yourself and some are outside of yourself.

Here follows some of the mirrors that reflect ‘Who am I?’

Appearance: Physical Health: I take care how I appear before others.   I am physically healthy.   I enjoy looking good.   I am often ill.   My inside reflects my outside.   I have enough energy and zest for my daily tasks.   I clean, polish and shine myself   I am always tired and exhausted.

Emotional life: Thought patterns: I express all forms of emotions equally well.   I am mostly positive / negative.   I am comfortable to be close to others.   I always conjure up worst case scenarios   I am comfortable to be intimate with others.   I constantly fear that I will fail.   I occasionally give praise and compliments.   I believe that I am wonderful, great and destined for amazing things.   I feel anxious, worried or uneasy.

Daily Habits:   Behaviours:   I have good habits.  I eat healthy .   I am a punctual person.   I get enough rest everyday.   I am reliable. I honour my word.

Self care: I take care of myself.   I spend time alone with myself.   I can say ‘no’ when people make too many demands on me.   I spoil myself.   I take care of my body through diet, exercise and inner cleansing.

Relationships with: Friends, family, yourself and other Are you a trusted friend?   Are you nurturing long standing bitterness between yourself and close family members?   How are you with your children?   Are your children scared of you?   Can you keep yourself occupied?   Can you look in the mirror and bear what you see?   Do you bury yourself in work or relationships in order to escape being alone?   Do people feel uncomfortable in your presence?   Can they risk speaking openly and honestly in your presence?   Do you generally get on well with people?

Mental Life Do you learn something new every day?   Do you feel intellectually bored?   Are you studying?  For the right reasons?

Spiritual Life Do you get an occasional feeling of well-being , contentment and gratitude out of the blue that is unconnected to tangible achievements?   Do you feel  life is meaningful, beautiful and has a purpose for you?   Do you feel spiritually connected when you pray?

More examples of mirrors we can use to get to know ourselves:

• personality tests
• career guidance counselling including aptitude tests
• therapy, life coaching
• deliberate self analysis
• self help seminars, workshops, retreats and literature
• alternative therapies
• psychology and philosophy studies
• personal and profession (job) interview
• Being a mentor to someone or being mentored
• Your guide for success in various life areas

Physical Life

Those who know themselves know their bodies. They listen and understand their biorhythms when they need sleep, socialise or be still.  They can recognise and respond to their bodies’ signs of wear and tear. They know when to give their bodies time to recover and rest. They know how to nurture their bodies and to maintain optimal health and well being.

Work Life

Genuinely successful people know their unique skills, talents and abilities and find themselves in jobs in which they can express these.

Social Life

Successful people know which people to avoid and what kind of people they want to attract. They strategically position themselves in social networks where they can attract and interact with people who they regard as positive role models and peers.

Relationship with themselves

Successful people have spent time analysing and understanding themselves.  They have endured their own joys and pains. They have experienced being lonely and alone therefore they can enjoy their own company.  They don’t have to compulsively be in the company of others.

Financial life

People who know themselves, and therefore like themselves, do not base their success on material things.  They do not measure their self-worth by the car they drive or the size of the house they live in. They have built a self identity based on true values of honour, commitment and true self-worth. They are therefore less likely to be in debt, living beyond their means or feeling generally trapped by modern financial systems.

Dealing with problems or challenge

Successful people know how to approach problems. They have acquired problem-solving skills. They get to know their past so that they can appropriately mourn and grieve whatever losses or sadness they had suffered. Therefore, they are liberated to live fully in the present.

Religious/Spiritual life

These people understand their own spiritual needs. Therefore, they know how to nurture themselves spiritually.  They take time to be in nature, to meditate, to reflect and to engage in spiritually rewarding activities. Their lives reflect balance, harmony, contentment and inner peace.

“We become what we dream…

We achieve in reality, in substance, only the pictures of our imagination.”

Lawrence Durrell

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